light switches that dont do anything r mysterious and i dont trust them


Ellen Degeneres- Kristin Bell’s Sloth Meltdown

I can’t stop laughing.


whenever you’re feeling sad about your One True Pairing

and beginning to lose all hope of it becoming canon

I want you to remember that these two idiots first laid eyes on each other in 2004

Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars were the ultimate ship tease

he was adorable,…



I went to an Arab-American comedy night and there was a Muslim guy making a joke about being in high school football.

"I was hit so hard, I saw Jesus. Do you know how hard you have to be hit to see somebody else’s god?"

This is what jokes about religion are supposed to look like.


when i meet up with my friends i tell them im already on my way when im actually still choosing what clothes to wear 


i don’t ONLY care about myself. i care about like 5 other people. and animals.



"what’s up?"

"the ceiling"




Leonardo DiCaprio gets attacked by a penguin during a trip to the Arctic in 2006


i’m probably the best at losing friends


*wakes up from coma* “tell me I dont have a unibrow”


If you can’t deal with my sarcasm. I can’t deal with being your friend. 


It’s true
Why can’t a fictional character just walk into my life

Signs that you might be reading a good book.
1: No sleeping.
2: No eating.
3: A sudden desire to find someone like the love interest in the book.
4: Slight drooling over certain moments.
5: Sudden bursts of emotion.
6: A need to share with the world just how fantastic the book is.
7: The realization that this book WILL end, eventually. And feeling ridiculously torn.
8: No socializing.
9: Extreme comparisons are made between your life and the characters' lives in the book.
10: Making irregular noises at 3 in the morning because something amazing just happened.


If my jokes offend you:

  1. I’m sorry
  2. It won’t happen again
  3. 1 & 2 are lies 
  4. You’re a pussy